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▣ What is the relationship between forgiving myself and taking responsibility for my life/actions?

posted by admin on April 23rd, 2013 at 8:27 AM

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 First, let’s discuss forgiveness and how it affects us.  We start with the dictionary.com definition of forgiveness which is…to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.  

 

The problem with this definition is that unless you are clearly in touch with the contents of your JAR, you are unaware that the offense is not the issue.  The issue is the emotion that was triggered by the offense; e.g., anger, frustration, disappointment, guilt, unmet expectations, etc.  The emotion then becomes the root of the reaction. ... 

To forgive is to set the prisoner free and then discover the prisoner was you.

"I deserve to live my life in peace and tranquility and not be a prisoner of my own thoughts and emotions.

I will practice decision-making, learning, and forgiveness. I will remind myself whenever it is needed to just

‘Get Over It!’"

Monday Motivating Moments (Mary Rau-Foster, www.workplaceissues.com)

  

 

What is the relationship between forgiving myself and taking responsibility for my life/actions? 

 

First, let’s discuss forgiveness and how it affects us.  We start with the dictionary.com definition of forgiveness which is…to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.  

 

The problem with this definition is that unless you are clearly in touch with the contents of your JAR, you are unaware that the offense is not the issue.  The issue is the emotion that was triggered by the offense; e.g., anger, frustration, disappointment, guilt, unmet expectations, etc.  The emotion then becomes the root of the reaction.  We dig up every reason that we have in our JAR for why we are offended or why we are justified to be and/or stay offended at the person who delivered the offense (emotion) to us.  I must say that I am as guilty for falling prey to the offense as the next person.  It is easy to get angry at someone for offending me; it is hard to remember to say to myself, “Why am I offended?”  because as soon as the emotion is triggered, I get attached to the emotion.  Have you ever had someone do something to you, but quickly apologized to you, thus cutting your time short to react?  More often than not, in this situation, you will have gone on with your day without even a thought of having to be offended.  Then there are those other times when, later in the day, you recall the offense and start to really get into the emotion and find so many reasons to be upset with the offender and have feelings that you should have said something at that moment and now you worry that the offender will not even know you are upset which upsets you even more.  

 

In the language of energy, ask yourself, “How much energy has this offense cost me?” I can assure you that the cost is astronomical.  Here is the decision point, do I expend this energy (cost) at the person who offended me; OR do I work with this offense (and the emotion it triggered) to find the reason why I am offended and take this opportunity to get to know myself better?  Of course, the decision is yours and yours alone. 

 

 

A person recently shared a quote with me that I found to be most poignant,

"Holding on to resentments and carrying a grudge is like taking poison and

then waiting for the other person to die."

Mary Rau-Foster, www.workplaceissues.com

 

 

 

Practice Forgiveness

 

A few reasons why having a practice of forgiveness is important…

  • Forgiveness stops the hemorrhage of your energy.
  • Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves.
  • When you forgive, you are forgiven.  It does not matter if the other person forgives you; that is their business. 

           

“Call your spirit back through forgiveness!”

Stay in present time.

Listen to your vocabulary.

Carolyn Myss (www.myss.com)

 

 

 

And, then there is LOVELet’s remember the spirit of love and the role love plays in forgiveness…

 

First, recognize that you love yourself.  Forget that you are upset about your looks, your weight, your IQ, your job, etc. (these feelings about yourself are old rules (beliefs) you have in your JAR).  Go beyond the image you see when you look in the mirror.  Know that you ARE love and that living in a state of love is innate in you.  All the rules about how you should look, how smart you are, how you should act, etc. that you have collected in your JAR veil this awareness of your true essence. 

 

Next, nurture this love (YOU) by releasing your old hurts, old fears, old ideas/beliefs of what you lack or what you think you should look like, what you should be, of how smart you are or are not, etc.

 

Then, release everyone you hold prisoner to proving that they love you; thus, releasing your disappointments, anger, frustration, etc., when they fail to meet your expectations.    Forgive everyone who up to this time has made you feel unlovable or unloved.

 

Finally, forgive yourself.  Love flourishes in giving and forgiving.

 

 

Forgive and Forget…This is a most powerful aid to peace of mind. We often develop ill feelings inside our hearts for the person who insults us or harms us. We nurture grievances. This, in turn, can result in loss of sleep, development of stomach ulcers, and high blood pressure. This insult or injury was done once, but nourishing of the grievance can go on forever by constantly remembering it.  Get over this bad habit. Life is too short to waste on such trifles. Forgive, forget, and march on.

The Ten Principles for Peace of Mind

 

 

Reflection…It’s a Law!

 

“Everything in the so-called material universe is an effect and exists

only by virtue of some mental image behind it.

LIFE IS A MIRROR AND WILL REFLECT BACK TO

THE THINKER WHAT HE THINKS INTO IT.”

Ernest Holmes , Excerpted from 1926 edition of “Science of Mind”

 

 

The world acts as a mirror to us!  As a result, anything that is not working is put in front of our faces…our thoughts, desires, fears, …, take form.  All the individuals in our lives are but the reflection of that part of ourselves that they present to us.  Thus, we have the offender (the mailman) who clearly delivers to us that message of what it is we are ready to see.  Unfortunately, we forget to look inside (our JAR) and we waste all kinds of energy being upset with the mailman!!!

 

“This may be a hard statement for many, but you will eventually come to know it is true: 

 No fault, no hurt comes to the self save that thou hast created in thine consciousness,

in thine inner self, the cause.  For only those that ye love may hurt you.”

Edgar Cayce Reading 262-83

 

 

 

Responsibility – Being Responsible for Me!?! 

 

Why does the word, responsible, carry a heavy feeling, e.g., that feeling/emotion you get when you think, what if I make a decision and it turns out wrong?  what if I hurt his/her feelings when I tell him/her I do not like their idea (or hair, house, etc.)?  what if I lose money on this deal and I have to tell my children we cannot take a vacation this year? what if I get caught?  what if I disappoint my parents?  what if I go to hell for this?  what if I change and I still do not like myself?  what if I get ill?  And on and on…

 

FEAR is the reason!  Fear can be a crippling emotion.  Fear is the emotion that can stop us in our tracks, make us hide under the blanket, activate our fight or flight; literally, fear can keep us frozen.  Fear is seen as a cause in many phobias, obsessive compulsive behaviors, superstitions, etc., that people experience.  Fear is a major cause of stress in our lives; e.g., fear of failure, fear of disease, fear of success, fear of punishment, fear of being happy, …   Fear is a primal survival instinct.  It triggers our fight or flight response. 

 

What is fight or flight?

 

When we experience excessive stress—whether from internal worry or external circumstance—a bodily reaction is triggered, called the "fight or flight" response. This response is hard-wired into our brains and represents a genetic wisdom designed to protect us from bodily harm. This response actually corresponds to an area of our brain called the hypothalamus, which—when stimulated—initiates a sequence of nerve cell firing and chemical release that prepares our body for running or fighting. … (http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080714130211AAmFLGM)

 

 

 

Because fear is an instinct that we have carried with us since man was created, it is housed deep in our subconscious (JAR) and most of the time, we are not even aware that it is operating in our daily lives – making decisions for us and guiding us as we live each day, even popping up in our dreams.  We then activate fear in our children and keep fear’s grip on all of us well into future generations!  UNLESS, we wake up and yell, STOP!!!  Make the decision today to become aware of this emotion, fear, and to use it consciously each and every day to keep you safe; all the while being aware of the times when fear keeps you from living a full and conscious life!  Make your choices each day based on a consciously aware, present moment, choice rather than through fear.  Fear is good if it makes you aware and you take precautions to be safe; but it can keep you from living a full life if you allow it to keep you stuck.

 

Back to our original question (What is the relationship between forgiving myself and taking responsibility for my life/actions?), forgiving yourself is a process and taking responsibility is a practice. 

 

The process of forgiving yourself is easy – look in a mirror and say to yourself, “I forgive you!”  No, you do not need to believe that you forgive yourself.  HOWEVER, you need to say it!  Say it to yourself every day; say it two times or twenty times or a hundred times a day!  That’s all there is to it.  Well, yes, you should stay in present time and make present conscious decisions as often as you can.  However, most importantly, always remember to forgive yourself!

 

The first step to taking responsibility is the choice to do so.  It requires you to be in present time.   Present time is important when taking responsibility because when you are in present time, you can access your free will choice.  When you are not in present time, you are reacting to the rules/beliefs you have in your subconscious (JAR) and thus allowing others to make your choices.  I firmly believe taking responsibility for my life, my choices, and my actions, is the most sacred act of using my free will.  Free will is a gift bestowed upon us from the Divine.  All it takes for us to be open to our free will is to practice love and forgiveness and step through the veil of fear that keeps us stuck. 

 

Change fear to…

  • Practice Forgiveness!
  • Engage your fear(s)!
  • Have an Attitude of gratitude!
  • Be Responsible and reap the rewards!

 

last edited on April 23rd, 2013 at 8:34 AM

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