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The Study of What If: Question of The Week

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▣ The Victim

posted by on November 8th, 2009 at 4:42 PM


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Over the years, I have found that when I realistically examine the thoughts in my head and correlate these thoughts to my behaviors, I truly am an accomplished victim.   As I recognize the victim drama I play, I have also become profoundly aware that the victim archetype seems to be alive and well in our society today, both in individual behavior and the collective behavior; e.g., groups playing the victim to other groups, whether political, religious, or rights groups; individuals feeling victimized by their circumstances.  On the other side of this is the fact that these same groups and individuals victimize others.  It is very easy for us to use the victim as an excuse for our misery, but how often do we recognize when we are victimizing others? 


Why is the victim consciousness so prevalent today?  Today, most of us hit the snooze button on our alarm clocks a few times before we even wake up and before our feet hit the floor, we are running the recordings in our heads that say, “Why me?”  “I work hard and cannot even pay my bills?”  “Nobody at work or home appreciates me.” “Why do I do this to myself?”  “Traffic is terrible, I spend more time driving to and from work than I do at work!”


By the time we are out of the shower, we are exhausted.  We prejudge our day; or, dare I say, we have already created our day with all of these thoughts.  Are we victims to our circumstances or are we victims to our perceptions of our circumstances?  Or have we actually created our circumstances by our very own thoughts?  Thoughts are the creative force in our lives.  We think, thus, we create!  Everything that exists started with a thought!  Every experience that we have gives us an opportunity to examine our thoughts!  We must learn to examine our thoughts with the desire/ideal to understand them, rather than to defend them.  As a general rule, I would say, if you feel the need to defend your thought (to yourself or anyone else), it is time to reflect on the thought; i.e.,

·         why do I think I believe this thought?  We will spend a lifetime defending a belief that we do not even believe because our jar tells us we believe it.  Ask yourself, “do I actually believe this?”

·         when did I get this belief?  We will be given a belief by family, co-workers, religious/government leaders, etc., at a very young age (your parents start planting beliefs in you before you can even speak or walk).  We grow up with these beliefs and consciously do not even know we have them; e.g., someone who has financial problems and cannot ever get financially ahead may have heard from his/her parents that “money is evil” or “there is never enough money.”  These comments are chiseled into your subconscious and you operate under their rules without being conscious of them; consequently, you never get ahead with money!  If one parent was betrayed by the other, you may have heard that you cannot trust a man/woman (husband/wife) while you were being fed your vegetables and, of course, you grow up with this underlying distrust; consequently, you have problems with relationships.  And the list of examples can go on and on…

·         how does this belief serve me?  Does this belief give me power to get something done that I may be afraid to do?  Or does it give me an excuse to avoid doing something that I should do; e.g., a really great job opportunity comes your way, and your belief that you are not smart enough/qualified enough/or pretty enough gives you an excuse to not apply for the job. These demeaning beliefs about yourself can keep you from accomplishing great things because you hold the belief that you cannot help it if you are not smart enough/qualified enough/or pretty enough.  Change your belief(s) about your value and put yourself out there.


Problem:  We believe what we think! 

Solution:  Get into present time and know that you can create a wonderful day and a very satisfying life.


Our jar (our unconscious) and the collective jar (the collective unconscious) seem to present us with opportunities to work through the archetype of the victim.  We are living in an era when most people are struggling with a desire to be heard…

·         We look to our investments to tell us that we are successful and when they do not perform, we are devastated because we counted on them to take care of us. 

·         We look to our significant other to make us feel valued so we put great pressures on them and Heaven help them if they forget our birthday, anniversary, or Valentine’s Day.  (You must value yourself and stop requiring others to make you feel valued!)   

·         We look to family to comfort us when we need comforting, but we find we are struggling to help our children to get a good education, play sports, and more; and, at the same time, need to attend to our aging parents.  No one to comfort us, let alone, we have no time to be comforted.   

·         These days, job security is as hard to predict as the weather. 

·         Health challenges, “do I have time to take a sick day off?”  “I don’t have time to go to the doctor!”  “how will I pay the doctor bill.” 

·         Financial challenges, the children need school clothes/supplies, food costs more, the car/house need repairs; which translates into more of my time and money (both of which are running really low). 

“Doesn’t anyone hear me.  Why me?”


Let’s talk about a shift in consciousness!  I believe that we now have an opportunity to transform this “struggle to be heard” from an “I need” belief to a belief that “I can;” from an “I’m not” to an “I AM.”  I believe that there is a momentum occurring generated by that wonderful Spirit that resides in our Hearts.  We all have too long ignored this part of ourselves; it is the part of us that knows that we are ok and that we are taken care of; it is the part of us that is there to comfort us and to hear us!  The challenge is that while our Spirits are calling to each of us, we are too busy to hear because our “human” side is looking for the sound of recognition/reward/relief; that is, recognition/reward/relief in the form of lots of money, status, big home, new car, etc., because we hold onto the belief that recognition/reward/relief will make us feel heard and happy!  Of course, we all know that until we can love and recognize ourselves, we will find that no one else can see/hear us either (Law of Reflection) and the recognition/reward/relief will only feel good for a short while and we will return to being the victim because we (our jar) have not let go of the beliefs that made us feel this way in the first place.    

If we keep believing that we are victims and start our day out with victim language, then we will keep attracting and/or creating relationships and situations in our lives that reflect our victimhood.  Wake up, smell the coffee (or the bacon), and start your day with the idea that “today is a new day filled with opportunities for me to accomplish great things.”  Set an ideal for the day (and, remember too, to set an ideal for you in this lifetime).   Take your power back; and for those of you who never even tried to use your personal power, take it now!  Be responsible for your own happiness, love yourself, your life, your …!  All of these combine to make YOU who you really are.  You are special and unique – there is no one else in the world like you.  Honor yourself, so that others can honor you.  

Instead of listening to your old and outdated beliefs,

listen with your heart to that little (but so powerful) voice within, your Spirit!

Your Spirit will provide you with guidance, love, understanding, trust, forgiveness, comfort, and Grace.

Just Be Happy!



When we victimize others?

On the other side of this coin is the behavior of victimizing others.  It is very easy for us to be the victim as we can find all kinds of excuses to justify the behavior.  Yet, we routinely victimize others without a conscious thought about our behavior, let alone, our motives; and sometimes we even victimize others after we consciously choose to do so because we have created in our minds an acceptable reason/right to do it.   Justifying the victimization of others for any reason that validates our beliefs (our jars) is an act that is based on shaky foundations.  Our beliefs may provide excuses for our behavior, but do not provide solutions to the current circumstances that have triggered our behavior.   Start to be conscious about your motives when you victimize another.  Are your motives based on your jar?  Do your motives coincide with and or complement the ideal(s) you set for your day, for your life?   What value do you gain or pay by your actions?


I think that at this point it is really important to remind us all about the Law of Cause and Effect, which states clearly that what you sow, so shall you reap!  In other words, if you victimize others, be prepared to be victimized.   I know that when we are low energy, angry, ill, depressed, etc., we love to have company in there with us.  So why not victimize…why not get energy from others, why not make someone else responsible for our healing? Why not …?  That is,

·         Did I exert my power over my children, over a co-worker, over a sales clerk, because I was in a bad mood and needed the feeling of power?

·         Did I steel my best friend’s boy/girl friend just because years ago someone had stolen mine?

·         Did I avoid paying for the extra beer the waiter forgot to add to my bill because I used the excuse that the restaurant charges too much for beer anyway?

·         Did I pay Sally less for the same job that Bob did because I can?

·         Do I keep re-living a behavior/an argument with my significant other so that he/she will feel guilty and behave the way I want him/her to behave?


Really, I know that misery loves company, and I do understand the rationalization.  However, if you could look beyond the miserable moment you find yourself in and look a little ahead into the future, you would see that the ripple effect of your actions actually prolongs your misery and most often creates new miserable experiences to challenge you.  As I have said many times, if you do not learn a lesson, it keeps repeating with even stronger force, until you learn it.


The challenge of being human is to reach beyond the beliefs we hold about what does/should make us successful/happy/smart/pretty/valuable.  Then, the challenge expands to having us examine our life experiences through our hearts as we ask ourselves questions such as…

·         Did I pay attention to my inner voice?  Or did I just react immediately?

·         Did I take a deep breath and examine the experience in the present moment?

·         How did my reaction to this experience make me feel?

·         Did the way I handled this experience make me a better/stronger/healthier person?

·         Did the way I handled this experience offer me a chance to practice love/trust/forgiveness?

·         Was I able to let go and just go with the experience without a preconceived/desired result?


Regardless of whether you are acting out the victim or victimizing someone else, the result is the same.  If you continue to do this, you will continue to have the same life.  Stop the “groundhog day” of repeating and repeating the same old behaviors.  Get to know your jar, what’s in it!  Start living your life consciously!  Stay in present time/present consciousness!  Remember that your actions have ripple effects and that these effects always return to us whether to reward us or to teach us what we have yet to learn!

“For, know that each soul constantly meets its own self.

No problem may be run away from.

Meet it now!”
Edgar Cayce Reading 1204-3


"Consciousness is the understanding that every action we do or say has a result, be it negative or positive. The fact that we don’t see the answer or the result in the moment is the reason that we don’t understand it is an energy."

Karen Berg



last edited on November 8th, 2009 at 4:44 PM

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