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▣ What about "being right?"

posted by admin on October 11th, 2009 at 10:19 AM

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We, as humans, have a need to be right!   What is the payoff though “of being right?”  

How many times in your life have you sacrificed relationships, jobs, and money for the sake of being right?  As humans, we all have a need to be right.  We will defend our views/beliefs/perceptions to the ends of the universe, because this is what we do.  The problem is that all humans do the same.  So when you argue your...

BEING RIGHT!

Prepared by Sandy Shapiro, September 2009

 

We, as humans, have a need to be right!   What is the payoff though “of being right?”  

How many times in your life have you sacrificed relationships, jobs, and money for the sake of being right?  As humans, we all have a need to be right.  We will defend our views/beliefs/perceptions to the ends of the universe, because this is what we do.  The problem is that all humans do the same.  So when you argue your point with someone who has a different or opposite point, one of you has to succumb, OR both of you will probably pay a high price!  Yes, sometimes, we can be persuaded by hard evidence; but how often have you had evidence to prove your point and the other person still insisted on their view, and vice versa?  A prime example of this is the argument of creationism versus evolution.   There is scientific evidence that the Earth has been around for billions of years (the universe even longer) and, yet, many people still think/believe that the Earth was created pretty much as it is today within the last 10,000 years.  Do you really think they care about your evidence?  Their belief about creationism feeds and nourishes their religious beliefs, and no evidence will persuade them differently because if they accepted your evidence, they would have to examine their religious beliefs.  Accepting evidence of something and the new belief that is derived from the evidence is frightening to many people who have strong beliefs.   Other examples where people hold very strong beliefs are climate change, war, health care, marriage, education, healthy eating, and on and on.  Could you imagine how the world could/would change if we all just listened to each other without our preconceived/preprogrammed beliefs and their associated fears?

 

When human beings have their beliefs challenged, they will stand up and fight for their beliefs.  Have you ever watched someone who was willing to die to prove they’re right arguing with someone who was willing to kill to be right?  It’s not pretty, and sometimes leads to disastrous results.   So why do we do it and do it over and over and over again? 

 

Different Person/Different Software

Have you ever tried to open a document in a software that was not the software the document was created in?  You will either get a message that says it cannot be opened; or it will open, but only give you gibberish.   Human beings are each unique.  Our software is based on our genes and chemical make-up, our LEARNED beliefs, our life experiences, our religions, our nationalities, our phobias/superstitions, etc.  Even identical twins are unique in their software.  So when you take information that is stored by your software and you transfer/communicate this information to someone else (even your family, friends, or strangers), they will process the information through their software.  Considering this, IT IS absolutely amazing that humans can communicate as well as they do!  Sometimes, I guess it is because we bow/succumb to power/authority/family/friendship, and/or we exclude the person from future conversations on that topic; we forego arguing our point (we just get angry/frustrated/sad).  I think sometimes it is just by sheer luck that we are able to understand and cooperate with each other. 

 

Most, not all, of our real arguments are battled with those we love and feel safe around.  We argue with those we love because somewhere deep inside us we believe that they will always be there – no matter what.  Or we argue with strangers because we don’t know them and probably will never cross paths with them again.  Every time I get upset with a customer service rep, I feel bad, because it is really easy to start yelling at someone when they are somewhere out there in telephone land and I do not have to actually see them or be in their presence.   Do you find you argue more through telephone lines and emails than face to face?

 

OK, back to what is the payoff?

First, I must repeat myself.  Human beings have a drive to be heard and to be right.   The problem is that when two strong forces collide head on, something is going to break, e.g., if two trains are headed straight for each other; when they collide, neither train escapes. They may each experience different degrees of damage, but both trains are damaged.  In essence, there is no payoff, except to be able to say that you won the argument.  How long does that feeling last before you remember the harsh words you spoke and the ones thrown back at you, the damage from the dish you threw, any physical bruises if it got physical, the energy it cost you to argue, etc.?  And what if the person you were arguing with was really right, you were wrong, and you just won because the other person got tired of arguing and gave up?  Who is the real winner?

 

Let’s exchange ideas, share our beliefs (jars), but understand that your jar contains your stuff and the other person’s jar contains their stuff.  You do not need to prove that someone else is wrong in order to prove you are right.  If you find yourself defending a belief/behavior/perception to the point of “needing to be right,” take a deep breath and walk away.  You probably need to examine that which you need to defend, because somewhere within you, you have been thinking about it or, unconsciously, you knew it is time for you to address it.  Ask yourself, why is this so important?  Examine it.  If it is that important, then go gather evidence, get your ducks all in a row, and calmly present your case.  BUT, detach from the outcome.  And remember that even with evidence, the person you are arguing with may still/probably will maintain their own belief.

 

Our need to be right sends us on a journey to seek out others who will/do agree with us.  We believe that if we have someone who agrees with us that it validates our belief, so we then convince ourselves that our way is the right way.  Your way may be the right way for you and for those who have the same belief, HOWEVER, it does not mean that it is the only way.  There are many routes one can travel from Washington, D.C., to California; as well as many different ways, e.g., planes, trains, automobiles, bicycling, by foot.  None is the only way; they are just different ways; and all offer us an infinite combination of ways.

It is time to stop believing that just because

someone agrees with you that you are right.

What if you are both wrong?

 

 

KEEP IN MIND…It really is not about being right that we argue, our need to “be right” is guiding us to learn/become consciously aware about what we believe (our jars) so that we can consciously decide if it is what we truly desire to have in our life now and if we are ready to take responsibility for the belief and the conditions in our life.  

What we believe is what we create in our lives.

Know what you believe if you really desire to know yourself and

to understand what you are now experiencing in your life.

 

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